SAS Australia: James Weir recaps episode 5 | The celebrity fight begins
Spirits finally erupted between two celebrities on SAS Australia with the kickoff of the first fight. James Weir recaps.
A screaming match between two SAS Australia celebrities kicks off in the back of a Range Rover on Tuesday night, which – warning – can trigger traumatic flashbacks for viewers who have endured long-distance trips with brothers and sisters and annoying sisters.
The argument is so vivid that the soldier driving the car turns off the music, applies the brakes and declares that they will all return to base camp without ice.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read All Recaps Here
Tonight’s episode starts off the same way all good reality shows do: with cruel mind games.
The celebrities are summoned to the parade ground where the soldiers call them, one by one, to say who they think is the weakest of the pack. Or, to use the eloquent words of the leader of the soldiers: “Who is the crappiest ?!”
It is an exercise designed to create tension and disruptive relationships in the group. You should all do it with your colleagues tomorrow.
Each celebrity walks forward and names the same person: Olympic volleyball player Kerri Pottharst. It is painful to watch.
Everyone seems to have decided that because Kerri is 56, she is the weakest. What short sightedness. The woman is an Olympic gold medalist! She is tough physically and mentally.
Age doesn’t mean anything. Has anyone thought about how Dan Ewing was going to get by without all of his scented candles? He won’t stop shitting about them. If someone doesn’t urgently provide him with an “Angel Whispers” scented Glade candle, the man will collapse at any time.
Now that a member of the team has been targeted and demoralized, the soldiers decide to make matters more embarrassing by crowning Kerri captain for the next challenge. Task? Something involving a lot of physical activity – paddling down a river, then up a hill while carrying the raft. Or something like that.
It takes about seven seconds for Kerri’s direction to be completely reversed. By who? Koby Abberton boy’s bra. The producers worked hard every series to give him the villain cut, using his yen for picking out fights and desperate attempts to be seen as the alpha male of the pack. He cranks things up in tonight’s challenge when he starts dragging Kerri as they all frantically paddled the raft.
“Dude, I’m paddling my fucking ass!” she shouts at him.
Back on land, Koby regains control of the team by barking his own orders. It all ends badly with Kerri tripping and piling it into the raft as they descend.
They lose the challenge. Crowding into the Range Rover to return to base camp, the atmosphere is tense.
âCan I just say I had a lot of trouble finding directions – I felt like I was really drowned because there were so many voices,â Kerri tells the team.
Koby takes the opportunity to shoot. “You were lying on the ground at one point, mate,” he cuts, looking straight ahead through the windshield.
“Dude, I fell backward, okay? “Kerri replies.
“A couple many times, âKoby’s eyes roll.
That sarcastic side adds fuel and all of a sudden the fight ignites.
âEven when I said something, you said ‘No!’ A few times I’ve said something and you just said, ‘No! “” Kerri shouts as the Range Rover hovers over the rough terrain. “That makes it really hard to steer!”
Because Koby is sitting in the front, he keeps craning his neck trying to face Kerri screaming. Being in the backseat during a car argument will always give you the upper hand. You don’t have to bend your neck to yell at the person – and, if all else fails, you can just kick the back of their seat a few times or reach for the headrest. to pull out his hair.
“F * ckin ‘bullsh * t, I think,” Koby mutters to himself.
This is such a pure example of why SAS Australia is so wonderful. Where else would we be able to watch an Olympic volleyball player and a Bra Boy cut each other?
While these recaps aim to be unbiased – providing a fair, balanced, and completely non-exaggerated portrayal of important TV moments – it has to be said that we are the Kerri team. She shows great restraint during this fight. She could easily get a low blow on Koby’s lame Bra Boys neck tattoo, but she hits the high road instead.
It is class.