British comedian Adam Kay was raped in New Zealand – and his attacker later ‘thanked him’
A British comedian has revealed the horror of being raped in a New Zealand sauna in a new book about how he left behind a career in medicine for acting and writing.
Adam Kay was working as a doctor and doing part-time comedy when he got the chance to perform a 20-minute set at a medical conference in New Zealand.
He thought this would be his comedy break, and also planned to cheat on his wife there, with a man, and then come back to her and a heterosexual life.
A sauna “probably seemed the most appealing/least dreadful option and the best chance of getting what I wanted pronto and incognito,” he said.
What happened when in the sauna, after he gave a fake name and put a French accent at the entrance, it was heartbreaking, and for 10 years he didn’t tell anyone.
“A man in his 40s got up, took my arm and led me without a word into a dimly lit cabin, where he raped me,” then said “thank you” afterwards.
Comedian Adam Kay (pictured) opened up about his new book about rape in a New Zealand sauna
Before leaving for New Zealand, Kay writes, his “internet search history…would have made Freddie Mercury blush.”
He thought, ‘Cheating is wrong. And premeditated cheating is probably worse than spontaneous cheating, in the same way that murder is worse than manslaughter”.
But he also told himself that what he was planning to do was “totally fine”.
“I was going all the way to New Zealand to do it so she couldn’t know or get hurt; it was considerate, even. It would only be this time,” he said.
“I didn’t lust after anyone in particular, I didn’t know who I was going to cheat with, just that it had to happen.
“And I would cheat on her with a man, so that didn’t count.”
His internet research led him to decide to go to the sauna as something he needed to do to get it out of his system.
But, having never done this before, he didn’t know what to expect.
Kay likes to give people the benefit of the doubt and then tried “to figure out if there might have been some kind of misunderstanding, something that I did wrong.”
He wanted to be able to put it down to miscommunication on his part.
Adam Kay is pictured at the National Book Awards on November 20, 2018 in London, England
“But I can’t – the truth is inescapable. I was clear. I said no when it became clear he wanted this interaction to go much further than me,’ he wrote.
“I said no, again, when he started. I said no when he overpowered me and pushed my head into a washable pillow that reeked of antiseptic.
Kay tried to shout, but knew he wouldn’t be heard, “not by that man who wouldn’t hear or anyone else, thanks to the rhythmic pounding of the music”.
The rapist then said “thank you” before leaving.
‘Thanks. You don’t say thank you to someone you just raped, do you? Was coming here my consent in the first place? Kay wrote.
Adam Kay is pictured appearing on The Jonathan Ross Show on November 30, 2019 in London
“Not taking my hand away when he took my arm, was that a way of saying yes, in a language I had never been taught, denying everything I would say next?
Kay said going to the police was unthinkable.
‘Saying it out loud would make it real; I could never deny it or pretend it never happened, which already seemed like my only way out,’ he wrote.
He convinced himself that his case was fragile anyway. The police, he thought, would tell him “you can’t get raped if you go somewhere specifically looking for sex.”
For a decade, he told no one about what had happened to him. “Maybe I was too ashamed,” he wrote.
“Or maybe I knew from the moment it happened that I would never forget it: every minute, every second, etched on me in indelible ink, would be with me forever.”
Adam Kay’s Undoctored: The Story of a Doctor Who Ran Out of Patients will be released on September 13.